Immortality

25 December 2006     Christmas Miracle!

Jesus' "Missing Years", we can now tell you where he was.

Saint Brian Tamaki (fmly Bishop Tamaki, fmly Pastor Tamaki) upon returning from another worldwide trip to study the effects of spending poor people's money in rich man's surroundings, issued his Christmas message with a special twist.

As the only living saint, St. Brian feels authorised to speak on behalf of all christians and accordingly issued his statement, which is repeated verbatim here:

"Kia Ora Katoa on this most auspicious day. Indeed, I believe this day will go down in history as a day to rank alongside the mapping of the human genome and man's landing on the moon.

Extensive research by historian Michael Douglas revealed that Jesus spent the so-called "missing years" at a marae in Rotorua. This respected historian has proven, beyond any doubt that Jesus Christ himself was preaching his sermons at Ohinemutu on the shores of Lake Rotorua.

This confirms what Jesus has told me in our daily discussions. He took some advice from me and decided to pay me back by letting me in on the secret. I have merely been waiting until Michael Douglas presented his scholarly findings to confirm what I already knew.

Now that has been proven, we can move on to the next stage of research - Jesus intimated that he may have been intimate with a wahine while he was in Rotorua. The family name of his friend was Tamaki and it could well be that within the next year, we are able to prove a direct descendancy from Jesus to a present-day New Zealander."

Michael Douglas released the following picture in support of his claims:

According to Michael Douglas, the stained glass window was made in 1755, prior to European arrival, and therefore not possibly a copy of a biblical scene. He noted the traditional Maori cloak of a chieftain, showing that not only was Jesus present during the missing years, but also that he had the respect and commitment of local tribes. Michael Douglas also stressed that it could well be that local Maori actually taught Jesus the lessons he took back to the ancient lands.

Michael Douglas owns the church and stained-glass window and has exclusive rights to take tour parties through the area. He is now engaged in a worldwide marketing plan to encourage US-based christians to come and see the site for themselves.

File: Tutae Whare, Rotorua

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